Why am I up at 3 a.m.? I seem to have this horrible sleep pattern of falling asleep on the couch and then waking up at some odd hour to actually go up to bed. Then I lay wide awake with my mind checking off whatever I was able to do that day and thinking of more things for me to do the next day. I need to stop that shit and just go to bed at a normal time like a nice, normal person. Ha! Good luck with that, right?
Well this post won’t allow me to go to bed. There is so much on my mind, I need to get it out. That’s the thing with writing. Once you get in the habit of purging your thoughts, you actually physically feel when you have to write.
Yesterday was my last day at my mom job, as I liked to call it. I worked in the kitchen/dish room at my sons’ middle school. You would think that was hell right? Only the 6th graders were hell. Just kidding. They were just the loudest. Who knew lunch time could sound like 300+ kids on a roller coaster screaming the entire time? I never understood that. I don’t know how I managed to tune them out. Oh wait, the super loud fan and machine running next to me and working probably helped to drown out the noise.
Anyway, we had a cookie bar exchange. I made the pecan pie bars. They came out really good because I was actually about 3/4 cup short on nuts which left more room for that ooey gooey center. Yum!!!
I just love looking at this tray because it is an effort put together by a great group of ladies. Everything on it is delicious! Fudge, toffee, 7 layer bars, the white fluffy frosting thing I have no idea what that is but it’s heavenly, and one of my favorites, peppermint bark. It’s so pretty! There was even some kind of peanut butter and jelly bar thing that was new for me. These ladies know what’s up in the kitchen that’s for sure!
I gotta go deep for a minute because after all that is the purpose of this. I am a believer in things happen for a reason. People are put in your path for a reason. Timing is everything. I don’t believe in coincidence. Maybe some things are coincidence, but other things are really meant to be. I believe God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes you ask for a sign and then you actually get one and go with it no matter how crazy it may seem.
For us moms, I think the only people on Earth that will ever get us, are other moms. We constantly put everyone ahead of us. We learn to live on scraps and leftovers. We wear the same old thing so our kids can have new. It’s selfless and we do it without hesitation because it’s in our maternal instinct. But sometimes you need a little reminder, that you are still a human being on your own and you need to take care of you, too.
It has been a blessing to stay home with my kids. I even got to home school them for 2 years. I knew when we got married the deal would be that I stayed home with the kids. But no one prepared me for that transition. I was used to working every day and wearing sharp clothes. It took awhile for me to adjust but I eventually got there with help from other moms who were in the same boat. My playgroup/bunco girls will never be forgotten for saving my sanity.
Fast forward to when your kids are getting older and then what do you do? Technically I work for my husband doing all his bookkeeping for his business. But it never seemed like a job to me. Maybe I am too close to it? Maybe doing it in my pj’s doesn’t make it seem real? I still had time to kill during the day. I still felt like I am doing things for everyone else and not me.
I spent a long time feeling like I was out of place. You look at other people and start that comparing shit. #1 Joy Killer right there. Try not to do that. In fact, don’t try. Just don’t do that. Everyone has their own story and we never know what’s really going on so don’t compare yourself to other people.
Right at the peak of me feeling my worst, I ran into a friend shopping. She could see I had a lot going on. She suggested I give the school a call and come work with her in the kitchen. It wouldn’t even be so much for the money, but more to just get out of the house. The bonus is a killer schedule with all the days off that your kids have off and summers off!!!
That day really changed my life. I am calling it God’s timing because he put that friend literally in my path when I needed it the most. Maybe my mom was up in Heaven sending me an angel because I also found out my boss and my mom shared the same birthday. Co-inky-Dink? And another co-worker and I share a birthday. Cool!! Two Leos working together = Good Times!
Let me just say, the ladies I worked with are some of the
nicest most kick ass ladies I have ever worked with. Working in a lunch room at a school is a well orchestrated operation. You have over 1000 kids to feed. I loved the engineering of it. Everything had it’s place and function and it fit perfectly.
It was fun getting to know the kids. I don’t know how teachers remember all those names! It was fun seeing my own kids from a distance in their element and not having to be “Mom”. I had kids coming up to me saying they would miss me. That they liked talking to me. I tried to smile at them as much as I could without being creepy. Middle school kids have it the worst as far as puberty and social stuff. I felt for them. It was a fun gig for sure that brought me back to where I needed to be. I actually like working. I’m a friggin’ machine when I want to be. I wasn’t expecting to have such an emotional experience at a little part time job but that’s the way I look at the world. I see all the little details and things that get overlooked.
The good news is that I am still on the sub list and it’s not over over. But I do need to sell my house in 2018 so that is why I left. I have to get this place ready for selling! I will be busy enough with that and still doing the books for my husband.
At least now I know I still got it. I still have drive and hustle. I don’t think I’ll ever second guess myself again on what I’m here for. I feel like Dorothy when she wakes up at the end of The Wizard of Oz. I had the power all along. But I met some fabulous new people on my journey, who I now consider friends for life. Who leaves work saying “I love you”? Me, that’s who.
There’s a few other things I want to do in 2018. One of them is learn how to write music. I think it will even be a family affair as my boys have splurged on some nice recording equipment that we are all going to learn how to use together. I love music and can’t live without it. There’s always something brewing in my head when it comes to words or melody and we are gonna play with that. Not totally sure what will happen but stay tuned because I am pretty sure I’ll put it out there when it’s ready.
That’s it for now. Almost 6 a.m., should I have coffee or go back to bed? hmmm…….decisions…..xoxo